Why does criticism hurt?

I’m sure you’ve had someone say to you, “I’m so disappointed in you.”

But what we often hear is, “You are a disappointment.” It’s no longer about the thing we did—it feels like it’s about who we are.

That’s why understanding criticism is so important. However, not all criticism is equal. Some types hurt more than others—and for very different reasons.

So if you’re ambitious and deeply affected by what people think of you, here are three distinct kinds of criticism you should be aware of—and why understanding the difference matters.

1. When it stings because it’s true

This is the kind that jabs you right in the hoo-haas. The one where you think, “Yep, that’s true. But thank you very much I didn’t need to hear it from you.”

It’s… humiliating and hurts, but it can, if you let it, help you grow.

Because sometimes knowing something true isn’t enough to help you change. Sometimes, you need the external smack-in-the-face moment that turns self-awareness into action.

It’s not fun. But it’s fuel—if you have the self-respect to use it, and not lose yourself in it.

2. When it hurts because it’s not the whole picture

Ever been part of a group project where you did all the work but the team gets slammed—and you get zero credit?

This kind of criticism feels like being punished for a crime you didn’t commit. Or at the very least, not entirely.

It’s not about being wrong. It’s about being misread.

And for high-achievers who care deeply about doing things right (if not perfectly), this one cuts deep.

Here’s what to remember: when someone doesn’t see the full story, it doesn’t make your side of the story any less real.

Clarify if it’s worth it. Let go if it’s not.

Because needing to be understood by everyone is a losing game. Be proud of what you did—even if they didn’t notice.

3. When it’s painful because it’s someone else’s pain

The trolls. The keyboard warriors. The passive-aggressive colleagues.

Online, it’s called the online disinhibition effect, where people feel detached from the hurtful effect of their words. So they post, comment, criticise, and attack in ways they never would face-to-face.

But it happens offline too. I call it the crabs-in-a-bucket effect.

You’re climbing out of the bucket to a better life. You’re making moves. You’re trying to be happy, ambitious, and fulfilled.

And a crab pulls you back down—not because you’re doing something wrong, but because you’re doing something they’re not brave enough to do themselves.

Something to remember: in this case, the attack isn’t about you.

It’s about the discomfort, anger or sadness you unknowingly trigger in someone who isn’t ready to grow.

Oh and p.s., just in case it isn’t obvious, their discomfort is not your responsibility.

So how do you deal with it?

Remember that not all criticism is equal.

Some is worth reflecting on.

Some is worth correcting.

And some types of criticism deserve to be filed under: “Ain’t worth my time.”

So the next time criticism comes your way, ask:

• Is it true?
• Is it fair?
• Is it mine?

And if the answer’s no?

Move on, my fabulous friend—with your peace intact and your head held high.

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Until next time,

Be bold,

be brave and always,

stay fabulous.

DrK xoxo

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How healthy is your self-respect?

😳 Do you often replay conversations in your mind, worrying about what you’ve said?

You are certainly not alone. 100% of respondents who took the Unstoppable Achiever Scorecard admit to the same.

➡️ If you want to see if you're part of the club (or just need an excuse to procrastinate), take a spin on The Unstoppable You Scorecard.

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