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The part where you stop being a people-pleaser… but you’re not quite sure who you are without it.
A few weeks ago, I met someone for lunch.
She’s someone I’d really looked up to online: highly intelligent, successful, magnetic, lots of followers, the kind of person who seems to have it all together.
But the conversation just felt… hard.
There was absolutely nothing wrong, more so just like two pieces of a puzzle that should fit, but they didn’t.
But something strange happened this time.
Old me would’ve spent the whole time nodding, agreeing, trying to impress, mentally replaying every sentence to make sure I didn’t say something “wrong.”
But this time around I found myself thinking
“She’s impressive, lovely, kind… but she’s not the kind of person I want to spend time with.”
And it wasn’t coming from judgment, it was coming from this strange new found mental space that I can only describe as… peace.
Because for the first time, I didn’t want to change who I was just to be liked.
I didn’t need to side step and contort myself into someone else’s version of “enough.”
And when I messaged her afterwards to thank her for covering lunch, and never heard back… instead of spiraling, I just thought: that’s okay.
That’s new for me. And it’s hard.
It’s hard to outgrow approval. It’s hard to stop chasing connection at the expense of your own comfort. It’s hard to feel that twinge of rejection and remind yourself: maybe this wasn’t rejection at all, maybe it was… redirection?
Have you ever wondered what it’s like to NOT be a people pleaser?
It’s scary, eh? The thought of:
- Verbally disagreeing (rather than nodding and smiling)
- “Upsetting” or “disappointing” people
- Not making up an excuse for why you don’t want to do something
But trying to please everyone pleases no one… especially not you.
It feels safe at first — you keep the peace, avoid conflict, and get that temporary hit of approval.
But over time, it eats away at your energy, your confidence, and your sense of who you actually are.
I’ve been there. I’ve spent years nodding, smiling, apologising, even when it left me drained and resentful.
And here’s what I’ve learned:
- Pleasing others doesn’t make you liked.
- It makes you invisible.
The real magic starts when you say no, speak up, and stop apologising for existing.
That’s where self-respect, clarity and real influence begin.
So today, young grasshopper, I challenge you:
Can you think of one small thing you can do that might disappoint the people-pleaser inside of you…
but make the real you incredibly proud?
Mucho big hugs,
Dr K xoxo
Launching soon(ish)
Join my Early Bird list for your chance to be one of 10 people to receive a signed copy of The Self-Respect Playbook before launch. You’ll also get first dibs on the book. Plus, you get a free chapter and you don’t even have to read it, I’ll read it to you. Dramatic pauses and all.
So if you’ve ever said yes when you meant no, downplayed your success, or feared being ‘too much’, this book is for you ❤️
