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Is life feeling a bit 'off' at the moment but you can't quite put your finger on it?
Today we're diving into some signs of wobbling self-respect.
If you recognize yourself in these signs, it's not because you're weak or broken (although if you’re over 40 you might feel that way - what’s up with this joint pain crap?) It's because you've been conditioned to believe that being "nice" or being "humble" is more important than being true to yourself.
Here are 12 signs it’s time to build more self-respect. You got this!
1. You're overly nice to people who don't deserve that amount of niceness
You give endless chances, make excuses for bad behavior (“they’re just really stressed at the moment”), and stay polite even when someone treats you poorly. Being kind is beautiful, and I personally love ya for it — but kindness without boundaries is self-punishment in pretty wrapping.
2. You feel uncomfortable when someone congratulates you
Is saying thank you — full stop — about as comfortable as wearing Spanx to a buffet? I can see you nodding. So, instead of saying "thank you, that’s really nice of you," you deflect and give all the reasons why you don’t deserve the praise: “Oh, but I had a lot of help from…” or “I’m really lucky.” Recognising the hard work and effort you put into achieving something isn’t arrogant — it’s honest! And downplaying it doesn’t make you humble, it makes you invisible.
3. You feel like you're wasting your life living someone else's story
You’re ticking all the right boxes — but they’re all boxes on someone else’s list. Deep down, you know you’re not living your truth. Your days aren’t a ‘vibe’, but fear and obligation keep you stuck and convince you that you don’t have a choice. The sobering, slap-in-the-face reality is this: we always have a choice that’s under our control. It’s just that the choice you probably want to make requires putting your happiness above someone else’s expectations. And that’s a tough thing to do.
4. You feel stupid when you make a mistake
I’m sure you’ve had someone say to you, “I’m so disappointed in you.” But what we often hear is, “You are a disappointment.” It’s not about the thing we did — it’s about who we are. Instead of treating mistakes as part of this bumpy journey we call ‘growth’. You see them as Judge Judy–worthy, indisputable evidence that you’re not “good enough.” But making a mistake doesn’t make you a mistake. It just makes you human. So go out there and fall down often. It means you’re growing, not just coasting.
5. You haven’t asked for a raise since 2005
You know you deserve more. You know you’ve outgrown your current role or pay. But the thought of asking for more feels selfish and greedy — so you stay silent and settle for less. But, the world isn’t going to hand you recognition on a silver platter. The world will only see what you show it. So if you don’t know your worth, the world will decide your worth for you — and it will always underestimate it.
6. You believe putting yourself first makes you selfish or arrogant
Taking care of yourself feels wrong. Prioritizing your needs makes you feel like an "arrogant b!tch" — even though deep down, you know it’s the only way to stop feeling so burnt out. But would a narcissist ever burn out? Not a chance. Burnout doesn’t prove you’re selfless. It just proves you’ve been taught to ignore yourself. (Take this as a sign to go shoe shopping).
7. If someone looks at you weird, you assume they hate you
When your barista doesn’t give you their usual smile, it sends you spiraling and fast dialing your therapist. Instead of thinking, “They’re having a bad day,” you think, “Ah ha! I knew it! They don’t like me.” But you can’t live for validation and still expect to feel whole. What you think of yourself will always matter more than what you think others think of you.
8. You feel guilty for wanting more
You sabotage your success because you’re worried that wanting a bigger life makes you selfish. So you stay small, keep plodding, and get nowhere. But at the end of the day: no one else is responsible for your success, no one else is accountable for your happiness, and — perhaps most importantly — no one else has to live with your regrets. Putting yourself first doesn’t mean putting others last — it simply means refusing to come in last yourself.
9. You stay quiet to keep the peace — even when it eats you alive
You don't rock the boat. You don’t speak up when something makes you nuclear. But those unsaid words don’t disappear — they fester, like a rat burrowing into your brain that keeps you awake at 3 a.m., replaying conversations you ‘shoulda, coulda, woulda’ had. So often, we stay quiet because it feels safer. We tell ourselves that avoiding conflict will make things easier. But has it ever? Nope. So speak up — or your silence will speak for you.
10. You never feel "ready" enough to pursue your goals
That dream, that opportunity, that leap you know would change your life? You keep waiting for the perfect moment. You need to learn that ‘trick of the trade’ or ‘polish that marketing copy’ or wait until you don’t have a zit in the middle of your forehead. Whatever. But the truth is if you wait until you’re 100% ready, you’ll be 100 years old. So manifest your courage, channel your inner Nike… and Just Do It.
11. You struggle to ask for help because you don’t want to burden others
You carry the weight of the world alone. Even when you’re drowning, you tell yourself, “Someone needs a life vest more than me.” But you’re not a burden — you’re a human being. Because self-respect isn’t about proving you can do it all alone. It’s knowing when to lean on others. It’s admitting you don’t know or saying “I don’t understand” and trusting that someone else might. Sure, asking for help might feel uncomfortable. But if a little discomfort gets you further, faster — isn’t that a price worth paying?
12. You’re angry — but you don't know it yet
The resentment, the exhaustion, the bitterness you feel? Yep, those are valid. But what if all that is just a politically correct way to say you’re pissed off? That you’re angry? Especially for people-pleasers, anger feels like a forbidden emotion — something you’re not allowed to feel, let alone express. But ignoring your anger doesn’t make you nice. It just makes you numb.
Something to consider as we close our conversation: Self-respect isn’t about being loud or aggressive. It’s about firmly deciding that your time, energy, and dreams matter just as much as anyone else’s.
Recognize the signs. Reclaim your worth. And start building a life that respects you first.
DrK xoxo
Until next time,
Be bold,
be brave and always,
stay fabulous.
DrK xoxo
How healthy is your self-respect?
😳 Do you often replay conversations in your mind, worrying about what you’ve said?
You are certainly not alone. 100% of respondents who took the Unstoppable Achiever Scorecard admit to the same.
➡️ If you want to see if you're part of the club (or just need an excuse to procrastinate), take a spin on The Unstoppable You Scorecard.
